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Jerry Epstein's Suicide: A Conspiracy of Idiocy

Americans are a bored lot. Well fed, well housed, warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and content to the point of paralyzing boredom will look to anything to plow some excitement into their buzzing brains. This Jerry Epstein supplied what they needed better than Viagra for what they lacked.
Let's face it, the guy was a convicted sex offender before he was re-arrested in early 2019 for  sex trafficking including soliciting underage girls for naked back rubs and and other such niceties.The "gentleman" was placed in a cell awaiting trial. Now sure, he had parties some of which included an up coming president and a not so princely prince. Now, he apparently was under suicide watch after being found unconscious in his cell with injuries to his neck. Epstein believed they were caused by his cellmate, another pillar of virtue awaiting trial for 4 murders. Prison officials concluded he tried to hang himself and concluded that Epstein was lying about the assault because, well his cellmate was black and you know how that goes.Epstein was was placed on suicide watch for 6 days and then placed in a special housing unit where he appeared in good spirits (apparently his new cellmate was an Askenazi Jew awaiting trial for blasphemy.
Now here's where it gets interesting: On August 9, 2019 his cellmate is transfered out ( apparently hanging around Epstein was such a bad influence on the blasphemer he was considering converting to Catholicism). Later that evening 2 corrections officers, who were to check on Epstein every 30 minutes met face to face with the Sandman and fell asleep (others state while surfing the Internet found a site called Big Booties for the Men in Blue). Either way, they missed their rounds and low and behold Mr. Epstein was found dead, the shawl from his old cellmate wrapped around his neck ( okay, it was a sheet but I thought Why Not). And , Lord Almighty the 2 cameras outside were found to have malfunctioned!!! Conspiracy theorists from UFO watchers to Bigfoot hunters came out of the wood work claiming foul play pointing to the malfunctioning cameras to the missed bed checks to the figure a homeless drunk claimed he saw climbing up the side of the facility.

Now lets talk a bit of sense.
The guy was a piece of garbage who I wouldn't let my daughter's Barbie Dolls near. He was a pedophile and a predator who used under aged girls for his ghastly pleasure. The world is not worse off now that he is dead(I follow my Uncle Gino's line "Always talk good about the dead. Talk good about the dead! He's dead? Good!).
I, on a civil matter spent a little time at the Metropolitan Detention Center for missing an extortion payment ( you guys that are divorced with children know what I'm talking about). It is, well to keep my tongue because the place is, well what Trump said about some countries immigrants were flowing into the United States from). Cameras? They looked older than 1 shot Polaroids popular in the 70's.
The corrections officers, overworked to the point of cardiovascular collapse have to deal with crap every day with stuff that would drive another person insane. As an example, the inmates for whatever thrill or just to bust balls bang on the plexie glass windows constantly. You would think they would get tired but no, these are damned Olympians with incredible stamina! It's no wonder that sometimes the officer's superman powers get a bit frazzled.
So all you conspiracy theorists and those who are disappointed that they can't get Trump on anything or that Clinton got away again please heed the words of , again my Uncle Gino "three people can keep a secret only when two are dead".


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